True Love - November 2006

DEAR FRIENDS. Welcome and greetings, please may I take the liberty to share a recent to my mind beautiful experience. It has a had a very profound effect in my life and spiritual journey so far. some of you may resonate with this and some may not, for those who do not, and feel it is a waste of an article please bear with me and grant me your loving compassion.

On May 20 2006 I had this experience and have only now had the courage to share it generally other than with a few dear friends. I was just idly sitting when suddenly I had this deep feeling in the very depths of myself that I loved myself unconditionally, I said aloud "I really love you Geoff, I love you so much". I then had this deep extraordinary crying and release and a black spiral mass seemed to fall out of my right temple and eye, nothing physical a sort apparition effect. This is a deep deep heart felt love for myself. Then came the realisation of that part of me that had punished myself for and from my early childhood messages (scroll back) for all the so called failures, not living up to family expectations, poverty, impotency, lack of worldly success, not loved for who I am but for what I do. Of course as a counsellor, a psychotherapist and oriental specialist, lay zen monk (no longer) dealing with thousands of client issues (scroll back) done my own therapy, knew all the issues were opportunities for growth, learning curves and so on, yes I knew this mentally, psychologically and of course developed coping strategies to deal with it. My therapy tutor said "you can never rid yourself of your garbage, your crap, your piles of shit, all you can do is to be aware and recognise your heaps of debris and tiptoe and gentle step around them". This I did with awareness and presence to some extent and lived a really relative happy life with bouts of peace and creative fulfilment. However there was always a missing illusive piece of the puzzle and now I feel I have a glimpse of the piece. Through the above experience the crap seems to fade away and I notice my reactions are different, there are very few reactions now, there is more of a river of peace, not all the time but increasingly so.

This was not a huge ah ha or elation, it felt soft, gentle. I found I had found the love that I have looked for all my life. I have found love in myself. This part of the process of development felt so natural. I realised for the world to be saved it needs unselfish true love, this love has to be felt in oneself, as a pure non emotion but passionate, so that we radiate this love, not by trying but by being oneself in this flow. A love without agenda, clear of giving and receiving love, a love not born from wounds, not a love that demands love in return, not a love that seeks recognition or reward, not a do gooders love, not a charitable love, no it is a love that flows for itself, pristine, pure, primordial. Then came images of the chortling brook, the ripples of sunshine reflected in rivers, the dancing glitters of moonlight in the wavelets in the sea. This I felt as the love in Nature which flows from the creator of all that is.

Since then many of the 'blocks' have fallen away and many beautiful manifestations have come about. I still have my moments of doubt, fear and anxiety yet the turn around is faster.

I do hope that the above does not seem arrogant and egotistical, I merely tell it as it was and is. Thank you for your indulgence, patience and support. Lots of Love and best wishes. GEOFF.

ADDENDUM:- It is love desiring for us to love as It loves. The will of Love is that We share and spread the Joy of Creation and the Spirit behind It. GF